So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
