I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
