The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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