epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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