Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
