I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
