She said her name was "party"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
