You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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