is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
