i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
