Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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