They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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