yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
