i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
