I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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