OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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