I can text with my tongue
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
What a dumb baby whore.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
