pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
