508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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