im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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