Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
