theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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