I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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