Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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