He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
