It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
