Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
