My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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