So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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