it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
