I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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