I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
