She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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