He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
