he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
