I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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