making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
