Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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