My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
