She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
