so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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