I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
