Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
