this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize