can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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