Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
