Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
