i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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