The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
