I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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