So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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