I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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