I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
