why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
