Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
